A Character Sketch : Part 1

A girl who smokes.. Not a chain smoker but mild one..
A girl who remains cool... who doesnt get angry.. . how???? She uses Japanese way of disposing her anger away..
Now what is this Japanese way??? Actually I have heard that in Japanese workplaces, they have rooms where employees can go and take their anger off to dishes, cups, glasses by breaking them.. What a way???
That is the reason that she does nt have a TV or any very expensive breakable items in her room. Good thinking aunty!!!!
Think of her hubby when she gets married.. Bechara.. He will have to keep lot of cheap breakable items in a room....
A fan of animated movies... She can scare any movie buff kid by naming each and every character of any animated movie..
An avid book reader.....
Claims that she has lot of friends who like her..
Claims that a team reports to her...

Now lets try to figure out how typical day would look like ...

1. Wakes up at 6am...
2. Cleans up her house..
3. Lets hope so..
4. Get ready..
5. Smoke
6. Walk and reach office.
7. Fun starts here..
8. read mails...
9. Forward mails..
10. Read forwards..
11. Forward Forwards...
12. take a break..
13. go to friends seat...
14. then to some other friends seat..
15. Come back to seat..
16. Step 7 to 11 repeats...
17. Lunch time ..
18. Roam around..
19. Sit in canteen..
20. Step 15 repeats..
21. Its 6 o' clock..
22. Go back home.
23. Pick up an animation movie for night and some wine/alcohol for night
24. Smoke.. After a tiring day...
25. Cook...
26. Drink
27. Eat..
28. Watch the movie.
29. Try out calling few friends
30. Someone didnt pick??? Break some plates, cups (Japanese Way)
31. Talk to someone irresistable ...
32. Read some book
33. Sleep....

Now how her Meetings will look like????

First someone will have to search for her for 15 minutes for her.. 15 minutes gone... Great.. Either meeting is cancelled by boss(if she is needed.. very rarely..) or she is found somewhere doing gupshup.. obviously not at her seat...

She will open her laptop.. start watching some stored animation movies during the meeting... making the attendees feel cartoons.. Someone asked some question??? For that (s)he will have to bring her back to meeting mentally...

Hope after sometime people will realise her very important contributions in different meetings and award her for that too..

Actually she claims to have recieve some hefty priced awards for her excellent.. Definitely.. she would have.. Who wouldnt give awards for such contributions.. :)

Will give you her weekend routine in Part 2 .. Keep reading....

Initials of your name

Its a good fun. Take out initials of your name as for me it is RM. Try to find out how many abbreviations exists for them. Find out how many totally justifies you and how many are just opposite to what you are.. :)

• Risk Manager(Actually I worked as a risk manager for a year or so)
• Real Man (hmm ok)
• Rain Maker (naaa)
• Role Model (may be for few)
• Real Media (Hain JI???)
• Research Machines (Like to a bit of it.. )
• remove command in Unix/linux (am not a contract killer or destructor .. )
• Raw Material ( may be possible.. )

Nothing Interesting ... :( .. Help me in finding better ones for me..

Now let me try out for some of my good friends..

BS:

• Business Standard (Doesnt Suit him)
• British Standards(Not so methodical)
• Bharat Standards
• Bassel Standards (Doesnt seem like risk manager )
• Bad Subjects ( Fits in Kya???)
• Boy Shines (Are you still a boy??? or grown up??)

AC: This is interesting

• Alternate Current(If you are moody)
• Air conditioner(Cool Person)
• Air Cooler(I know how it happens. You have take off your anger in Japanese way)
• Asst Commissioner (Strict .. Doesnt fit in..)

SS: This is tough one

• Simply S......
• Shekhar Suman(hmmmm.. ok)
• Social Studies
• Social Security ( Better be beware .. )
• Secret Service
• Social Service

Lunatically Successful Business Model

How will you reach if someone says that he sells real state on Moon???

Ok!!! He must be crazy... Who will buy it??

Then he says that 85k people have already bought it....
SHOCKED!!!!

Actually I read about this in TOI years back that some society is selling land on Moon and ppl are buying it. Today when I was discussing some con business models, this came up. My friend didnt believe it. I searched the net and gave him the links.

So if you are interested in buying one acre land on Moon, you can do that here and here.

Actually I have heard about stars being named after you if you pay something. That seems ok as there is an organisation for that.

Now, first question comes to our mind is who owns land on Moon.
Answer is Noone. And everyone knows that. Their answer is YOU. Even mentioned on these sites. Read here

The Moon Treaty, had it been ratified, would have forbidden the exploitation of
Space, the Moon and other celestial bodies for profit motives.
According to the Moon treaty, individuals may not claim the Moon and other celestial bodies. But, of all the 185 or so member states of the UN only six states
supported it. All others, including all space-faring nations (USA, UK, Russia, China etc) refused to sign it.
We feel that the non ratification of the Moon Treaty is a good thing. If it had been ratified and oil was found on the Moon; any company would by law be prohibited from mining it. Here is what an historical website has to say about it: "The Agreement Governing the Activities of States on the Moon and Other Celestial Bodies is the infamous "Moon Treaty". It was killed by a handful of L5 Society activists who were the first to see that it would outlaw property rights in the rest of the universe and indefinitely bog down space settlement in a "common heritage of all mankind" morass.

Then why people are buying it?

Good Question.. Lets try to answer that....
Pricing: They are pricing an acre land on Moon for USD 50.00 which people can pay just for fun sake.
Certificate:They will give you a framed certificate saying that you own an acre of land on moon with pictures of the piece of land owned by you. (Actually should have been.. You fool.... I sold you land on Moon???)

Already bought so many People: 85K people have already bought it. That means so many people cant be fool.

Make it credible: If you find someone else selling land on moon, they will take legal action against them.... Wow how credible

Reminds me of BUNTY and BABLI sequence in which they sell Taj Mahal. Then they say, they cant sell it, only lease it for five years. Great!!! A lesson there too ... Make it sound credible... :)

But now I am thinking of some other con business models where I can also fool people. I dont think I will have to put much effort if people can buy land on Moon.

Bach baliye if you are in bangalore??

When I reached office, I went through the mails pertaining to my work. Neck deep in work. One of my team mate asked permission to leave early as wanted to attend cremation for one of our colleague. He referred to one of the mail by head (india) which I had not read. I was in hurry to finish up few things and said ok to him. When I got time to go through all the mails, I was shocked to read the mail in which one female Call centre employee was assaulted and murdered by cab driver in early morning. The incident is covered here by ET.

I dont know whether you can blame on organisation for not providing enough security to its employees(specially females working in night shifts.) Before this incident, it was considered to be safer to go by a company cab than by your own vehicle during nighttime. It will be very difficult for any organisation to provide a security guard for each cab. But few things can be definitely done by the organisation to avoid such kind of incidents:

• Give contract to only those drivers whose antecedents have been verified by police. (I dont know whether this would have helped in this case. But with this process in place, it will definitely reduce the chances of such criminal activities happening)
• Try that no female is going alone in the cab during nighttime. Try to club more employees
• Also make sure the female has reached home or office within expected time by calling her mobile/home number during nighttime. If that doesnt happen, raise an alarm.

This incident is definitely going to have an effect of rest of the female employees (specially from orthodox family) working in late night shifts, if no appropriate action is taken by Organisations.

Top Ten Most Polite Ways to Say Your Zipper Is Down!!

10 . The cucumber has left the salad.
9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
7 . Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson..
6. Elvis is leaving the building.
5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.
3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2. Men may be From Mars.....but I can see something that rhymes with Venus.

And the #1 way to tell someone his zipper is unzipped....

1. I always knew you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts.

The P Thing

WARNING: Some of you may find the content disgusting.

How long can you hold on with your bladder full?? Very disgusting but practical question... There are situations when you have to do that with no other option. I will narrate one incident to you.

I normally dont travel in buses for long distance. But in last few weeks, I had gone to Hyderabad twice in overnight Volvo bus service. As it is overnight journey and as bus carries passenger only for final destination, the bus doesnt have any stops except one at some petrol pump. So for the travel night I normally dont drink too much liquid or have heavy dinner. I prefer very light dinner.

So this time also I followed my principle of eating and drinking less. But I somehow was having acidity. So I had drunk a bit of water as it helps you in getting rid of acidity. And before starting my journey I relieved myself.

I reached the starting point of the journey. I had to wait there for around an hour for bus to start. So the bus started at around 10 pm. It stops at around 2 pm somewhere in between the two cities. Volvo bus is very comfortable. It is air-conditioned. The bus, in which I was traveling, was sleeper. Actually it was having beds( not reclining seats). So you wont feel much fatigue in the journey once you go to sleep. But there is one problem with Volvo bus then a normal bus. Because of low temperature inside, you will get your bladder full very quickly. And there is no loo in it.
My bed was at upper berth. There was a direct open duct for AC on that berth. I closed the duct in half an hour because I started feeling very cold. But it had done its job. I started feeling the pressure of full bladder very soon( within an hour). So by twelve I was feeling pretty full and unable to sleep. I just sat down and started looking out of curtains(yes, they have curtains too) So a person from adjacent seat also looked at me. I asked him when is the bus going to stop. He said he was wondering the same. So basically he was facing the same problem. By that time another person got up and said the same. So they asked me to go to driver and ask him to come down. I thought why not. I took the initiative. A BIG MISTAKE. I asked him to stop the bus as we want to relieve ourselves. His attendent(who was sleeping ) got up and asked him to stop. So No Problem here. He stopped the bus. So I got down. With me another five-six people got down to relieve themselves. Everyone standing nearby and relieving themselves.
Here comes the problem. I have got this psychological problem. If there is huge crowd in loo, then I cant relieve myself. And that too in open, more difficult. So I was trying to relief myself, and it was not happening. What a situation? I knew my bladder was full. After sometime, even bus driver started to make hurry. I couldnt relieve myself properly.
And I got back to bus, dissappointed. I got back to seat and lied down. For 10 minutes or so, I felt ok. Now started the circus. After ten minutes, I again started feeling the pressure. I tried to put myself in different positions to relax and not to feel the pressure. I loosed my trousers. and then again keeping them tight. Nothing seems to be working.
I knew it doesnt make sense to ask the driver to stop the bus for the same reason. Had I not taken the initiative it would have been very easy. But now it would be very very embarrassing. With that also started my prayers asking for the driver should also the same pressure, so that he stop the bus to relieve himself. After few minutes, I sat down as it became very uncomfortable. I thought let me hold on for some more time hoping that someone else would wake up to relieve himself. But few minutes back only most of the people have relieved themselves. So for another few minutes or so nothing happened. I waited someone to wake up. But no one. Actually if you can get off your mind from the pain then you wont feel the pain. I tried doing that. But it was not working. And at the back of my mind the fact "I have not relieved myself" was also playing against it. Secondly, the problem with night journey is that you cant read as driver will switch off the lights after sometime. So no way of getting away the problem.
I waited for till 45 minutes and after that it became a pain. No one got up. With no option left, I went to driver and asked him to stop for the same reason. He resisted initially saying only few minutes back he had stopped for me and he wont stop it. Even his attendent joined him. But I insisted and he had to stop it.
What a relief!!! Those 45 minutes... were most painful I can think of.